“The Pornographer” was my debut album and with it I wanted to talk about my difficult past, growing up as a homosexual in a valleys town where that was not widely accepted, and about my battle with Schizophrenia, drug addiction and 5 years in a psychiatric hospital, as well as suffering from a serious bowel disease which almost killed me.
Yet despite all this, I felt stronger and surer of myself and my place in the world.
“The Pornographer” is a concept album. While I was in hospital for those 5 years I felt all I could do was watch the world from afar like the director of a porn movie who has to watch all the action but can never take part. It was a bleak time in my life yet I am strangely grateful that the ordeal finally helped me overcome my mental illness.
Soon after being discharged from the psychiatric hospital I developed a serious bowel disease and needed emergency surgery to save my life. It took a long time to recover and whilst most people would despair at the endless bad luck, I instead focussed on the music. The first song to be recorded was “Emancipation” which explores the shallow, fickle nature of the gay scene. I think the scene is too focussed on sex and body image.
If it wasn’t for the great friends I made, I would avoid the scene like a plague.
The sound of the album was very much inspired by bands like Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails, yet takes a lot of influences from dance music and electro too which gives the songs an almost pop feel in places.
Hopefully, people will enjoy listening to it as much as I enjoyed making it. And if they don’t… Well… Fuck ’em.
In 2017 I released a Synthpop EP called “Adam Kadmon: When The Heart Implodes”. It documents the days and nights following the suicide of my ex-boyfriend. I couldn’t sleep and I would just collapse in tears almost daily. It was such a struggle and I battled with my own dark thoughts constantly.
I’m hoping to release a Part 2 to this project later in the year where the story takes on a more positive aspect and I can talk about how I eventually overcame these feelings.
Corporate Christ 🙂
“In the end you may as well die for your art. Every other form of death is observed as a tragedy.”
LIVES LESS ORDINARY: A STORY OF MENTAL HEALTH